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I cant describe my happiness enough today. the joy and satisfaction of finding myself again. back to my style. (:
the boxes I was doing was so traumatizing me. true enough, they may be easier to do than what I usually come out with but I found no love for it. no passion for what I was doing. blardy boxes interlocking with the central trunk. and then branching out. that's my idea. my concept's tree u see. and trust me, as common as it is, this concept is killer-hard. many times I wanted to just pull my hair out and give up. haha. everyone was like why u do tree? soooo hard!
yeah yeah I know.
I was so lost and panicky this morning I thought I was going to lose it all this year. like totally. everyone said my building form's too literal. I hate literal. I dun want literal. screw all of u. only ben was encouraging. he was like trust me, when all ur columns come down it'll look very nice. go on with it. trust me.
I was thankful for that. but the feel simply wasnt there. I couldnt go on at all. so I thought a change of environment would be good. maybe the quiet atmosphere of the library can make me think better. so I went. thank god. if not for yuren and phyo, I'll still be lost now. I guess they know I love zaha hadid's works and upon finding this book on her process, sketches and drawings they passed it to me. and man, I was so inspired and in awe. after flipping through the book, I started sketching. my style my way.
sharp edges.
triangles.
awkward angles.
slanted walls.
tilted roofs.
and I never felt better. (:
I'm so happy I've finally escaped from the blardy boxes. sooooooo happy. (: but of course the tree ideas still there but it's not that literal anymore ok. bleah. havent showed the lecturers these changes but I'm not gonna care. they cant make me change back to the boxes. I refuse to.
if I have to go back to that rigid form, I'll rather not do anything.
weeeeeeeee. I love zaha hadid.and daniel libeskind. and coop himmelblau. haha (:
okay. still have alot to do now. more in fact. if what I had originally was already hard and this form will make everything twice as hard, do the math. I'll be pulling my hair again in no time. but this time happily.
_primer 2 - the phenomenal body
this was the most memorable days of my DARCH life. I love my group Spacehaven which consisted of Louis, Phyo, Farid, Irwan, Rakesh and me. I miss the nights we stayed back late in school to complete our project even if it means Rakesh might push me down the stairs again or scare me to death with his stupid colored torchlight. And of course I love their silly antics. mocha, Irwan?Those were the days.
_primer 3 - exploring the nine
Hero the movie as spaces.
_final year project - tennis clubhouse
intepreting the emotions of a tennis player during a game. the intensity on the outside and the calmness on the inside.
_experimental spaces - eroticism as concept
FEEL THE SPACES.
Hunter Douglas Competition
i was shortlisted among 7 other students from my year to join the hunter douglas competition. i didnt win and well i must say i didnt expect to anyway. but to be shortlisted is already a great honor. im proud of myself. (:
JC4 The Final Battle - Foreign Euphoria
Let The Curves Speak
I selected Rhinoceros 3.0 as my year 3 elective because I have a passion for 3d modelling. I've always enjoyed using Autodesk Viz very much (though i cant say im proficient in it, i try to be). To learn how to use rhino and discover the flexibility in the program is a true joy in itself.
_photography
and I have a knack for photography.
_manipulated images
blog templates
One of my other interest has to be web design. It used to be hard but slowly I got the hang of it. While I still cannot come out with a set of codes myself, I'm getting pretty good at editing blog templates. If there is a chance, I'll love to study web design.
_wallpapers
I love to play around and experiment with Photoshop. thus, these were done for fun when I was bored.
_presentation panels
The middle-east projects.
[C] copyright 2005 DP Architects Pte Ltd All Rights Reserved
I had the privilege to contribute to DP Architects Pte Ltd twice. This experience exposed me to the working world of architecture. From how an architecture firm functions to inter-human relationship. The few weeks of training was priceless. I believe that this has equipped me with valuable skills and knowledge which is and will be useful to me in future. update [130506]: i am currently working in DP architects (again). and i will be till perhaps a year or 2 down the road before i leave for australia (most probably) to pursue my degree in architecture.
_poetry
Wednesday, November 02, 2005the silence pierces.
the sun rises.
a new day is here.
ah. long was the wait.
there was a stir.
a mixture of emotions.
of relunctance.
of yearning.
of the desire to escape.
of the desire to cherish.
such was the saturation.
how rosy were my cheeks.
how my eyes sparkled.
but alas!
just like a lily in a bed of roses.
something was different.
i clinged onto hope.
lose everything but keep the faith.
a mental persuasion.
i shook and pushed.
i kicked and yelled.
stop the silence.
its too sharp.
it was a desperate plea.
stop the silence please.
i covered my ears.
STOP THIS SILENCE PLEASE.
a tear trickled.
from deep in my heart.
submerged in paranoia.
or for once im right.
i hid the truth.
i never told.
it fought its way out.
i hear your voice.
the silence pierces.
talk to me.
stop this silence please.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
its that chemical they say
i cant remember the name and i cant care much
it controls
oh heavenly trauma
you want a piece of advice
i give you one
never set your ideals
its that chemical they say
i cant remember the name and i cant care much
they destroy your ideals
they choose for you
you wiggle
you struggle
out of this net. i want out!
its that chemical they say
i cant remember the name and i cant care much
the one that overpowers
the one that makes you fall
oh how divinely sick
i want splashes. overthrow that color
its that chemical they say
i cant remember the name and i cant care much
give some to him wun you
ship that piece to me
its that part that doesnt belong
its that chemical what ya sayin'
screw that chemical
eat lotsa chocolate and you'll get some
ha. nicely done god
you plan for that to be my only source
its unhealthy to indulge
especially for me.
its that chemical they say
i cant remember the name and i cant care much
it just doesnt do much for me
Monday, August 15, 2005
Let not my heart follows one whose heart follows another.
Friday, July 22, 2005
the truth might cut
im enveloped in fear
hide in the dark
im swarmed in my tears
the night has fallen
day refused to show
im immersed in pain
i want your love
let out a silent scream
shaking with pleading eyes
stretch out in the dim
im frozen by unseen ice
i ached to wipe
the stains on my cheeks
my eyes tightly pressed
the need to drift away
not in the know
my lips are sealed
all shall be risked
im hanging on a string
im a shadow
lurking in the dark
i want to be your rainbow
hark!
i like you so
but you do not know.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
The irony still stands
Within every subconscious mind
If this fact is held
In every body's heart
No reason why
Anyone's frowning
What will be will be
U said
They said
So did I
With that in mind
Logic has it
To keep a smile
U know
They know
So do I
Frown
Smile
Cry
Fear
Won't change it
Fate holds it
Predestined
Would it help?
To shed a tear?
I don't understand
The reason behind
The fear
The thoughts
The shit within
Maybe that's what
They call life
Some joke
Some journey
Some screwed up game
Monday, April 05, 2004 - okay it seems funny reading it now.
I saw an old woman selling tissues in packs of three on the street.
The busy city-dwellers didn't once took a glance at her.
I saw on television a one-day old baby abandoned in the bushes.
Her mum didn't want anything to do with her.
I saw a crippled beggar begging for a few pennies with his pleading eyes.
One running boy trampled over his plastic cup and scurried away.
I heard about a sole breadwinner of a family retrenched.
He has a mother, a wife and three children. What do they eat?
I heard about babies being aborted, souls being sucked.
Do they not have a right to choose?
I heard about the starving children in the third world.
Why are we still wasting food?
I saw my mother preparing breakfast for me.
She has done that for years and never once complained.
I saw excited beams on my friends' faces when they see me.
I am too happy to see them.
I saw the grin on my sister's face when she excitedly showed me her fish crackers.
Sis, I want a bite of that too.
I heard the laughter of toddlers having fun on my way to school.
I so much want my own child.
I heard the concerned voice of my dad.
When he called from far, far away.
I heard the singing of Edwin in class and the bickering between Anuar and him.
That never fails to make me smile.
That's when I realised my life is beautiful.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Sometimes, it gets dark and everyone is asleep. That's when the solitude sets in.
Sometimes, I go out and see a happy and complete family. That's when the inferiority sets in.
Sometimes, I tune into my own emotions. That's when the realization sets in.
Sometimes, they shout and curse at each other. That's when the depression sets in.
Sometimes, there isn't even a star in sight. That's when the uncertainty sets in.
Sometimes, I just want a family I can be proud of.
Sometimes, praying isn't enough. Neither is luck.
Sometimes, people has to start losing things to stop taking them for granted.
Friday, May 07, 2004
erm okay this is not really a poem but 2 paragraphs of a novel I was going to start. but it never happened. heh.
She could not remember feeling this way previously. The urge was eating her up. She searched within herself for a foreign sense of recognition but there didn't seemed to be any. Only paranoia and doubt engulfed her, and the all too familiar desire to own him, and to be his. It might be momentary but she didn't care. It was time she felt this way. It was about time she decided to let go of her dark past and open her heart to someone. However, she was doubtful. She tossed and turned in bed. At times, she would sit up and shake her head vigorously, as if trying to erase any sinful thought from her mind. Is it love or lust? She couldn't decide. Perhaps she was having a hallucination. Or maybe a dream. After all, the strong walls that had been constructed around her heart could not be broken down. She could no longer trust men. She could no longer open up to them. The pain that was inflicted upon her since she was a child was too great to overcome. She could never get over it. Or could she?
Sherlyn LaKane was one of the most accomplished writers in America. Her sudden climb to the number one bestseller in New York Times took everyone off guard. Her bestseller, Mysteries in your eyes, stayed at number one for 3 consecutive weeks. She received worldwide recognition overnight. Here she was, a brand new name, a brand new writing style. Sherlyn's novel was nothing like any other. She probed deep into social issues like child abuse and date rape. There in her novel, female readers found useful precautions. Male readers was struck by all too familiar thoughts, thoughts which rages through their filthy minds day and night. Parents took her novel as a guide to identify child abusement symptoms. She wrote things other writers never dared to put on paper. She wrote things that touches readers' hearts. Most importantly, LaKane touched on issues that nobody talked about but issues which mattered to everyone. Nobody knew how she did it, not even her agent.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
I do not dare to hope
Neither to wish
Nor to pray
But it is not within my control
When he appears in my dreams
Love is not love
Till it's given away
Yet I have to hold on to it
How true this love is
I have not quite comprehend
Something is happening
Might be a chemical reaction
Or simply the raging of hormones
Whatever it is, I know
It has to do with him
Life involves contradiction
Plenty
He contradicts my ideals
I bet I contradict his
Yet we are so picture perfect
How long do I wait
Before I speak out my mind
Nobody knows
Destroying our friendship is
The last thing I'll attempt
Maybe he feels the same
Maybe he does
But when do u ever hear
About a shy guy
Making a move?
It will happen
If it's meant to happen
I shall just wait
Shalt hurry, after all
Love tracks you down.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Tried to convince myself,
I did not
A mere consent
Deepest within my heart
Broken, it was not
Or maybe
Numbness was the answer
Sleek was the cut
Sharp is the pain
Unplugged thyself from misery
Pierced in a different way
Inside it bleed
Outside I smile
Lingering...
Such was the hurt
Unawareness
Hidden blessing
Logic was to stay strong
Logic was to collapse
Contradictory logic
Fragile heart
Ironic it seems
Ridiculous it seemed
Some unworthy thoughts
In a harsh poem
Comprehend my thoughts
Even I am failing too.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Awareness
Things appear normal
Just like looks
The surface
Only skin-deep
Check the dictionary
Meaning of acting
It is peeling
My cover is tattered
Tearing
Revealing
Struggling willpower
You can't read me
I can't read you
In pretence
I am still living a lie
It was so
It is still
Sometimes I shiver at the thought
That my eyes shall
Reveal all
Secret is out
To why
I've always avoided your glance.
-to be continued-
_the Lady
ling, 20DP Architects Pte Ltd
red4passion@hotmail.com
i will be the greatest architect ever. wait and see. (: